By Kelsey McComb, external contributor
Content warning: mention of rape.
Fitting in, seems simple enough:
If you don’t have clear skin, you’re ugly. If you do, then people are jealous. If you’re a virgin, you don’t have fun. If you aren’t, then you’re a whore. If you have curves, then you’re plastic. If you don’t, then you’re a child. If you speak up about something, you’re an attention seeker, if you don’t, then you’re bringing it upon yourself. If you get raped, you wanted it. If you wear makeup, you try too hard. If you don’t, then you’re not trying hard enough. If you don’t dress up, then you’re never going to get a boyfriend, if you do then you’ll get called a slut. If you’re insecure, you’re doing it for attention. If you aren’t insecure, then you think you’re better than everyone else.
Don’t wear that. Don’t you want to actually get a guy? Don’t say that, people will think you’re weird. You have to do this, you want people to like you, right? Don’t speak up, keep to yourself. Don’t be nervous, you’ll never get anywhere in life. Don’t say no, don’t you want to have fun? Don’t be such a prude, live a little. Don’t act like that, don’t want people to think you’re a whore. You need to wear this, you want to fit in, don’t you?
“Do not be yourself, you need people to think you’re actually likeable.”
“But if you don’t act yourself then aren’t you fake?”
“As long as people like you, anything goes.”
Pick out an actual decent outfit, wear outfits that everyone else wears.
Put on some makeup, not too much, though. You need to look presentable.
Straighten your hair so nobody knows that it’s actually curly and frizzes up if you don’t.
Pretend you aren’t insecure.
Smile, even if you have to fake it.
Smoke, drink, do whatever is necessary to fit in with everyone else.
Laugh at their jokes about rape, even if you’ve experienced it.
Don’t talk about your problems, nobody wants to hear it. They probably won’t be there for you anyway.
Suck it up. Damn, you’re such a crybaby. No one cares if you hurt.
Make plans with people you don’t like, anything to fit in, okay?
Do you see yourself when you look in the mirror? Do you see the once-smiling little kid who’d play tag on the playground with their best friends? Or the kid who was SO convinced they were a mermaid, whenever they went swimming? You now see this fake figure. This isn’t you. This is a literal piece of plastic replacing you. You’ve become someone you’re not. Isn’t that sad? You wanted to fit in so badly that you can’t even see yourself anymore. You can’t see the once kind-hearted, cheerful girl. Instead you see this decoy, whose heart is small, and doesn’t know what happiness feels like anymore.
You actually let society bully you into this person that you are nothing like. Let that sink in for a quick minute. You are letting complete strangers form you into this heartless human, that you were terrified of becoming. You’re actually okay with this? Oh wait, you have to be okay with it. As long as you aren’t the odd one out, right? You just can’t let yourself be different, because then you’d have nowhere to go.
You let yourself turn into something you’re not.
Do you not miss yourself?
Oh, silly me, forgot that you aren’t allowed to miss the old you. Then people would call you an attention seeking whore, if you actually showed how broken you are. My bad. Please remind me next time!
There’s a point where you will break down. Just remember to do it when you’re alone because, again, you aren’t allowed to show everyone your emotions.
Do you regret it yet? The fact you changed yourself to be like everyone else? You can’t speak up, you can’t tell people how you actually feel. God forbid, if you think you need a therapist, then you’re the depressed girl nobody likes.
It’s a ticking time bomb. You’ll fall apart eventually, it just takes a little bit to kick in.
Be prepared.
Get ready.
If you absolutely need to, cry in the shower.
If you feel like you’re falling apart, just glue yourself back together. I recommend super glue, works like a charm!
I’m going to make an assumption. You want to impress your parents, or whoever you live with, right? But, in order for your “friends” to like you, you need to do things you know in your heart your parents would never, in their life, approve of. You know the risks, though. Home will be hell for the next few days, and you’ll probably have to sneak out your window to get to that party you’ve been begging to go to for the past two months.
Still reading or listening? Okay, because I’m going to tell you some secrets.
Be yourself. Brush off everyone’s nasty comments. They aren’t worth your time. You have better things to do. Like actually taking a second to sit down, and enjoy life. Yes, it can be very difficult and somewhat impossible to ignore what people are saying about you. But even just pretending it doesn’t bother you is a start, and will help in the long run.
It’s okay to fall apart. It happens to everyone. Even if people will call you a crybaby, it’s always okay to not be okay.
Wear whatever the hell you want. Nobody can tell you what you can and can’t wear. So what if it’s not a part of the beauty standards? At least you’re not boring. Everyone is too focused on what they’re wearing anyway, even if they don’t show it.
Repeat after me: I. Don’t. Need. A. Lover. To. Love. Myself.
If people are focused on you, own it. That means that people are seeing you and acknowledging you. If they’re judging your outfit or the way your hair is styled, just think, “at least I’m being the realest and purest version of myself.”
It is okay to say no. Do not say yes if you really don’t want to do something. Consent is a basic human right, that everyone is entitled to having. If someone forces you to do something, you walk away.
Let yourself feel the pain. You won’t heal if you bury your emotions. You have to let it out at some point.
You
Are
Absolutely
Beautiful.
Although it can be difficult to believe what I am saying, believe me when I say this. I think you’re gorgeous. I think you are valid and worthy of respect AND love.
You are beautiful, because you have survived this long, through a world of hate and doubt. You kept on moving, you’ve doubted yourself time and time again, but you stayed strong through it all.
Take these words into consideration.
If you don’t think anyone loves you, then know I love you. You ARE loved, because you are starting to love yourself. Trust me. You have to be enough for yourself before you can be enough for somebody else, as hard as it sounds.
Trust the process. Focus on you. Be selfish with yourself and your time.
You deserve everything good in this life.
Here’s a little something you may not know: I struggle with body image. Surprise! Now this could be very obvious or it could be very well hidden. So, if I don’t want to wear something because I’m uncomfortable, then I won’t. Screw it, I don’t care if I don’t look like everybody else, or live up to others’ expectations, I will never wear something that makes me feel bad just to please other people.
Do I want to fit in? Sure, but if it requires me to wear outfits I would never in my life feel comfortable wearing, then I do not care one bit if I don’t fit in.
You have the ability to change and be the person you want to be. Do not let other people’s opinions hold you back from doing that.
Speak up.
Use your voice.
Forget other people’s opinions.
Find people who love you for you.
You are likable.
I think you’re really cool.
I think you’re beautiful too.
And, if you haven’t yet, smile.
You may not believe anything I just said, you can choose not to if you’d like. But it’s true. You have the ability to change, whenever you want. And yes, I do think you are really cool. And I do love you. Might I also add that I think you are absolutely stunning?
So why are you letting people hold you back?
Do
What
You
Think
Is
Good
For
You.
Wait, are you actually going to continue to hide behind this mask that isn’t actually you?
You were doing so well though!
You were so close to actually realizing.
But society’s standards are more important than how you feel, right?
And that’s how you fit in.
Is it simple enough?
Do they seem like good rules? Not too hard.
That’s how you lose who you really are. It sucks, but you’ll get used to it in no time!
Remember I still love you.
But please come back,
I miss you.
Just come back, I know it’s hard to not want to fit in.
Please?
Just think about it, okay?
For me?
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