Gender Diverse People Don’t Owe You Androgyny - Deconstructing Gender and Aesthetics
By Elio Wilder (they/them)
Content warning: discussions of transphobia and transmedicalism
I am agender, this means I have no feeling of being a particular gender. More broadly, I’d describe myself as genderqueer or gender diverse. These labels are often described as non-binary i.e., existing outside the male/female binary. My pronouns are they/them and in queer spaces, where many people have thought about gender on a deeper level, no one has trouble using my correct pronouns. Once you dismantle the notion that gender can be perceived, the right words come naturally. You realise that you learn a person’s pronouns like you learn their name.
However, this idea that gender cannot necessarily be perceived is something few have thought about in cis-heteronormative spaces. As someone who is perceived as a woman, I am reminded of this all too often.
Societal perceptions of gender
I have been introduced as “This is Ellie. Her pronouns are they/them.” I have been misgendered by someone as they asked for advice on how to be a better ally. Another time, someone used the wrong pronouns whilst apologising for using the wrong pronouns earlier. None of these people noticed or corrected themselves in these scenarios and neither did I, I never do. Aside from being non-confrontational, I feel getting the words right means nothing if you still see me as a woman. They’re just words after all. Using the correct pronouns is respectful but it means so much more when it comes to the speaker naturally because they see me as simply human. They are not just remembering, they have changed their perception of me, making the words come effortlessly.
Perhaps something those who haven’t thought more critically about gender struggle with, is the reality that gender diversity doesn’t look a certain way. Media portrayal of trans people has usually been through a binary lens (trans men and women) where aesthetic change usually fits with societal expectations of what a man or a woman “should” look like. Aesthetic changes of this nature can be through choice but also to avoid discrimination. However, there is no way to look gender diverse. The limited representation of gender diverse people in the media often portrays us as some kind of man/woman fusion. For example, someone assigned female at birth with short hair and a chest binder, or someone assigned male at birth wearing makeup.
These limited representations, combined with the long-perpetuated notion that gender and aesthetic are inherently linked, has led to the idea that gender diverse individuals should be attempting to look androgenous. However, we should refrain from being too androgenous to ensure the comfort of cis people who want to assume our gender assigned at birth.
It is awfully ironic that feminine-presenting trans women are accused by many, including white “feminists”, of perpetuating gender stereotypes and reducing womanhood to an aesthetic … when the critic often conforms too. In reality, the desire of trans women to “pass” as a woman often is more linked to avoiding discrimination than internally validating one’s womanhood.
Some gender diverse individuals have the desire to be perceived as androgenous or gender ambiguous and they may take actions to change their external self to create this perception. For others, changing their appearance is less about how they are perceived and more about alleviating gender dysphoria. Many gender diverse individuals make no change to their appearance after “coming out” or realising their true gender.
What is ‘transmedicalism’ and why is it toxic?
Which brings me to another assumption about gender diverse and broadly trans people, that dysphoria is a requirement for being trans. The belief that to be trans an individual must feel uncomfortable with their body and want or need to medically transition. This is known as transmedicalism. Transmedicalism is used to limit who is legally allowed to identify as trans. In countries like the United Kingdom having a medical diagnosis is a requirement to change one’s legal gender. This policy is in place despite many trans individuals not having dysphoria and nearly two thirds of British people believing medical diagnosis should be removed from the list of legal requirements. In fact, widespread support for total reformation of the oppressive Gender Recognition Act was found in public consultation, but it was almost entirely disregarded by the British government.
Though the process for gender recognition is much simpler in New South Wales, individuals are required to undergo a surgical procedure to amend their gender marker on their birth certificate. Meanwhile, neither country recognises gender diverse people on birth certificates.
Transmedicalism promotes gender as physical and subsequently externally verifiable.
A de-medicalised gender recognition process allows individuals to define themselves rather than be subjected to the beliefs of others. Those who are against this are threatened by the changes this would bring to the current status quo.
Gender doesn’t have to be physical.
I, like many other gender diverse individuals, have no desire to change my body nor my style. I don’t believe that fashion is gendered. Therefore, I do not aspire to dress androgynously. After all, what is defined as androgenous is the consequence of what is defined as “men/s” or “women’s” fashion. Furthermore, I cannot control how other perceive me. I would have to change myself considerably to be perceived as gender ambiguous and quite frankly I’d rather just wear whatever I feel good in. So, I do.
As an agender person I don’t feel my body is gendered. It’s just me. I’m fine with it and I’d be just as fine had I been born with different anatomy.
I conduct myself in ignorance of gender and its associated stereotypes rather than in deliberate opposition. I am just me. A human.
Gender diverse people are just that: diverse. We have different feelings around gender, style, social and physical transition. Many of us are still perceived as men and women and it is this idea, that appearance dictates gender and by extension how one is referred to and treated, which requires unlearning by broader cisgendered heterosexual society.
It takes time to re-train your brain. I challenge you to think of people as human first, and gender as something humans think about themselves. Gender is not something you can see, only something you can learn about someone else. This will help you be more respectful of trans, gender diverse, and cis people who are gender non-conforming. It will also help you view gender roles, stereotypes, and inequality more critically. Gender equality can only be achieved when gender is no longer imposed from the outside rather it is felt (or not felt) from within.
For more information, visit the links below:
Learn more about transmedicalism: https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Transmedicalism
Analysis of Consultation on the Gender Recognition Act UK: https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/919890/Analysis_of_responses_Gender_Recognition_Act.pdf
Change of Sex of Birth Certificate NSW: https://legislation.nsw.gov.au/view/whole/html/inforce/current/act-1995-062#sec.32B https://www.nsw.gov.au/family-and-relationships/name-changes-and-corrections/change-of-sex