Dear young and future feminists,  

Thank you for deciding to fight with us. As you embark on your feminist journey, I am going to offer you a piece of advice that I wish I’d received when I was in your shoes:

There is no one right way to be a woman.

Image supplied by Alex. [Alt text: A young womxn smiles into the camera, wearing a fur-lined hooded jacket, bright white and yellow sweater, and beanie. Her dark hair is in a braid, and a bustling street can be seen behind her.]

When I was a young feminist, I can’t tell you how many times I was told to ‘act like a lady’. It would come up frequently; when I would sit with my legs apart, when I would quickly eat a meal, or even when I’d raise my voice. When I ran for student council in year five, my classmates labelled me ‘bossy Alex’, and when I’d attempt to rebut their remarks, I was called “emotional”. Meanwhile, my male peers were left uncorrected. It infuriated me. Everyone from family members to strangers liked to comment on aspects of my femininity, or lack thereof, as if I owed them a public display of my gender. Over time, I came to understand that to act like a lady means to be quiet, submissive, traditionally feminine and above all, obedient to the patriarchy. As someone who was none of those things as a child, I became ashamed of my lack of traditional femininity.

Thankfully, what I have come to learn is that women are incredibly diverse and unique, and we do not fit inside a lady-shaped box, despite the fact that the patriarchy wants us to. I’m proud to say that as I’ve continued my journey as a feminist, I’ve come to realise that I am my version of a lady, and I like to think that I’ve reclaimed the phrase ‘act like a lady’ and made it my own. I am kind, strong, intelligent and confident, I love wearing pants and being loud, and I will always choose to eat pizza over salad, and that is what ‘acting like a lady’ means to me now.

So, future feminists, I’m sorry to say that society is going to continue to correct your femininity, as if it is a performance to be perfected. Men will continue to tell you, as a woman, to act like a lady. But the good news is, you get to define what being a lady means to you. You are now a part of the fight for all women to have the choice to define themselves and their femininity, however they like. So, act like a goddamn lady, future feminists, and smash the patriarchy whilst doing so.

With love,

Alex