Sarah Davies (she/her)
Content Warning: Suicide, mental health, gun violence, incels
Disclaimer: It is important to remember that the issues, concepts, and events I write about are not purely for cis-gendered men and women, and do not only include cis-gendered men and women. I want my writing to reflect this, and any suggestions on more ways to be inclusive is always welcome! Particularly as a writer, I believe language is important, and to be using language that excludes some is not how we do things at the OWP. Please feel free to leave a comment with any questions about this, or do some research yourself on how many words are now being more inclusive, including words such as Latinx! (This term does have some controversy surrounding it, so please read further to educate yourselves!
How does one begin to explain the concept of toxic masculinity? There are so many misconceptions regarding this concept, so let me first start by saying that, when we are discussing toxic masculinity, we are not discussing ALL areas of masculinity – gender is socially constructed, so, for me, the idea of masculinity is irrelevant. In discussing concepts like femininity and masculinity, and saying a trait is more masculine or feminine, is to reduce men and women down to these traits, therefore basically putting all men into one group, and all women into another, which, as we know, is absolutely false.
I will, however, digress, as that rant is for another day.
Toxic masculinity stems from the idea that there is one, singular, right way to act ‘as a man, and that any other way is not ‘manly’, and therefore those people are lesser. In other, more difficult to understand words, the idea of toxic masculinity is premised on the idea of hegemonic masculinity – a manifestation of masculinities that are characterised by the enforcement of restrictions in behaviour based on gender roles, that serve to reinforce existing power structures, favouring the dominance of men (1).
Let’s break that down, because it’s a lot.
Hegemonic masculinity – the idea that one masculinity is right (kind of similar how the US still thinks it is the hegemonic power of the global community). Hegemony is the idea of leadership or dominance by one above others – the top of the leadership triangle. So, one right way to be masculine, and by association, a ‘man’.
A manifestation of masculinities – This is a little tricky. From my perspective, the manifestation of masculinities has been forming over time, from further back than we can remember – when women were considered the property of their father, and then husband; the fact that, historically, men have been in power and made the rules and decisions that still affect our societies today; the deep-seated belief that men are ‘physically stronger’ than women and ‘it’s just basic biology’ (LIES). All of these, and more, have contributed to the picking and choosing of which masculinities are right, and which are wrong, and have then been combined to create the idea of a perfectly ‘masculine’ man.
If I’ve lost you a little, please stay with me, it will make sense!
Characterised by the enforcement of restrictions in behaviour based on gender roles – Young boys being told that blue is for them, and pink is for girls, and therefore, if they like pink, they are somehow wrong. The deep-seated belief that men have to make more money than women, or that they are better drivers, or more rational, or less emotional. All absolutely constructed by humans, and incorrect. We are not born with a tiny part of our brain that says ‘oh, you have been born with X or Y chromosomes, therefore, here is your personality!’ – the fact that every single woman and man in the world is different, and have different likes, interests, dislikes, ways of thinking is, to me, proof that this isn’t true. The restrictions in behaviour that men face include crying, showing emotion, sometimes showing respect for women, and even things like wanting to learn, or read, or preferring dance classes or photography to other activities, such as football or basketball.
Reinforcing existing power structures – Enter the patriarchy! The fact that, in Australia alone, women have been shown to earn an average of 13.9% less than men shows the existence of the patriarchy in our society (and let’s not forget that this pay gap is not inclusive of the larger pay gap experienced by women of colour, people with a disability, or those of multiple intersectional identities)(2). The patriarchy is, to me, a set of existing structures that have created a hegemonic - type power for men – and while there are, obviously, many men in the world, the oppressions some men face is never a direct result of their being a man. It may be other intersectional factors, such as race, ability, sexual identity, but it is never the fact that they are a man.
So, while that was a lot of information, it basically boils down to this: society has conditioned us to believe that to ‘be a man’ you have to like x, y and z, and do a, b and c, and not like 1, 2 and 3, and if you do these things, you will be considered a ‘real man’. It reinforces misogynistic points of view, as well as belittling those men who do not conform to this ridiculous idea. It contributes to the high suicide rates in men, as men feel they can’t express their emotions, because it’s not allowed. It underpins the beliefs of those that feel it is their right to go and shoot up universities in the US, because women ‘owe them’ sex (involuntary celibates, or ‘incels’). Toxic masculinity is not the idea of all masculinity being toxic, it is these types of behaviours that have to control others that are the problem. It can show itself in small, every day ways, or huge, my-nuclear-button-is-bigger-than-yours ways.
The best way to overcome toxic masculinity behaviour is to continue working towards gender equality – deconstructing those societal norms that encourage, create and continue this behaviour.
As always, if you have learnt something, have questions or would like more information, please leave a comment below!
If anything mentioned above is distressing to you, please contact any of the following:
Lifeline:
13 11 14
Sexual/domestic assault/violence
1800RESPECT/ 1800 737 732
Kids Help Line
1800 551 800
Http://www.kidshelpline.com.au/
Aboriginal Family Domestic Violence Hotline
1800 019 123
DV Connect Womensline
1800 811 811
Http://www.dvconnect.org/womensline/
DV Connect Mensline
1800 600 636
Http://www.dvconnect.org/mensline/
Mike Parent, Teresa Gobble and Aaron Rochlen, ‘Social Media Behaviour, Toxic Masculinity and Depression’ (2019) 20(3) Psychology of Men and Masculinities, 277.
Australian Human Rights Commission, ‘Women in Male-Dominated Industries: A Toolkit of Strategies’ (2013).